Trading In Your Toxic Thought Life

Tuesday, March 30th, 2021

When you trade that internal monologue for an internal dialogue, it naturally becomes a foundational relationship with God.
Jenna Winston


Hi, I am Jenna Winston with Heartscaping Ministries. And I would like to talk to you about trading your inner monologue for an internal dialogue. I love that term. For me, I don’t know about you, but for me, before I started to go really deep in a relationship with the Lord, there was a constant inner monologue. Whether it was beating myself up for every bad choice I ever made, whatever it was. There was just a constant inner conversation going on. Whether it was me with myself, or who knows what influence was there. 


All I know is that I wanted my relationship with God to be habitational, not just visitational. I didn’t want to just experience God when I got God-bumps at church on Sundays. I wanted to be aware of Him around me all the time.


I decided to start to go after my thought life. Every time I would start to feel myself going down the rabbit hole of things that I was really bad about, and beating myself up over everything. I got to where I would say, “Okay Jesus, this is what I am experiencing and this is what I am feeling, but what is your truth?”


Let’s say somebody did something really hurtful to me. Have you ever had such a good heart and not meant to hurt anybody, or not meant to do something wrong, but somebody gets really mad at you, and offended, and thinks you’re awful? What do you do? You immediately want to go beat yourself up because you should have known better. But what if your heart actually wasn’t bad?


I learned – I used to take on responsibility for everyone – I learned to go to the Lord and say, “Okay, Lord, this is what they’re saying, this is how it is making me feel, but what is your truth?” The Lord started to remind me, “Jenna, your heart was pure. You had no idea that was going to affect them like that.” Being able, to be honest and say, “I am really sorry you took it that way.” That is kind of an example that just because somebody accuses, or says, or does, or we hurt, or feel rejected, we don’t always have to take that as Bible. We actually get to go to the Lord and say, “Okay, Lord. This is what is happening. This is what I feel, this is what is stirring up in me, but what is your truth? What are you saying about me?”


Slowly, over time I started to realize that the internal dialogue of self-defeating behaviors, self-defeating monologues, self-condemning, self-beating up, all of that started to change out. Like, “Oh, no I am not going to receive that. That is actually not how the Lord feels about it.”


I actually started to get really, really confident because I realized as I started to do that, I was trying to accomplish a goal, but what it did was created a habitational relationship. God is not concerned about the outcome, He is concerned about the time spent with me. He loves the time spent with me, He loves being a part of our decisions, being a part of all the things that I am saying. So, slowly my perspective changed over to how I saw people, how I dealt with situations, how when things that were actually being rude to me, that I used to take responsibility for, I would actually be able to be like, “Nope! I am going to kick the dust on this one. God is not okay with me being treated like that.” I don’t have to be rude, but I can always articulate my truth.


When you trade that internal monologue for an internal dialogue, it naturally becomes a foundational relationship with God. You end up referring to Him on everything: how you shop, how you eat, how you date…everything. How you spend your money. All the things.


If this is an issue for you, I really challenge you. I want to pray for all of you who are watching. Jesus, I thank you for this so much. I cannot believe how toxic my thought life used to be. I am just so thankful, Lord, that you are a part of every decision. Lord, I want to release that over everyone, Lord. That there would be a supernatural grace released for people to trade out what their toxicity is for your fruitfulness. That it would become a natural behavior in their lives, a natural release, and they naturally are aware of you all the time, all day. In Jesus’ name. Amen.